I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, startled by a dream that my husband was cheating on me. In the dream, we were at a conference, and the woman he was having the affair was there too. For some reason, he ended up moving his seat and she wound up next to him – holding hands! The person next to me saw them too and was stunned. She asked how he could do such a thing. I then stood up in the middle of the conference and loudly exclaimed that my husband was cheating on me with the woman next to him. I then walked out and he followed.
I suddenly woke up, upset. But then I was relieved that it was just a dream. Of course, it was a dream!!! Still, I Googled to see what the dream could possibly have meant, but found no satisfactory answer. I looked at my husband peacefully sleeping next to me. In my half-awake/half-asleep state, I wanted to go back to the dream to ask my husband how I was not meeting his needs. But I couldn’t go back, so my question was unanswered.
When my husband eventually woke up (I might have nudged him a bit), I explained the dream to him and he insisted that I was all he wanted (or could handle), and yes all his needs were met.
But sometimes we are not aware that something is missing until we stumble upon it. Until someone else crosses our path and all of a sudden, we feel a dormant part of us come alive. I said to Sam, my husband, if you ever come across a situation when you get the aha that something is missing, please come and let me know. Together, we can figure out how a missing piece can be fulfilled in the context of our relationship.
Each relationship is different, as are the individuals involved. I firmly believe that happy men (and women for that matter) do not cheat. It is only when their needs are unfulfilled that someone strays, which is a risk, as we are all aware that needs can change over time. A relationship is a living breathing partnership that grows with each shared moment and experience, even the ones that are phantoms in your mind that startle you awake in the middle of the night….
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